Who Did You Become?

My face had begun swelling up at the amount of beer I would drink on a daily basis, and there were moments where I was unrecognizable to myself. I had one thing on my mind: to get my face on 83rd Precinct next to Anthony Ramos and Rick Gonzalez. I believed the more I drank, the more entertainment I could produce, and thus I’d spend my days binging under the guise of creativity. Storm and I had been in communication since I started Global Domination Productions LLC, but I was still a long way from not being a liability, so he maintained a level of distance between us. I was alone in the world of entertainment, with only the knowledge I had obtained over the years to guide me. My wife Brenna was as supportive as she could be, but I was well aware of the growing disappointment in her eyes as she saw how low I was sinking with my alcoholism. I drank day in and day out, working odd jobs for cash, and dedicating my entire being to this pursuit of fame and fortune. But release after release, I kept falling flat, and finding myself in a deeper pit. In asking myself, “who did you become?”, I had no answers. I was just energy floating aimlessly, searching for an ever-eluding mirage. One evening, I stood in front of the bathroom mirror, Brenna next to me, taking selfies, unaware of how lost I was feeling. I stared at my reflection, the swollen face that had become a stranger, and a wave of self-loathing washed over me. My eyes, once full of determination and hope, were now bloodshot and lifeless. My skin, once taut, now seemed to sag under the weight of my poor decisions. I wore a black t-shirt that I had previously designed, emblazoned with the words “Because I’m Famous” in bold, white lettering. I had once worn this shirt with pride, convinced that I was on the precipice of greatness. But now, standing in front of the mirror, feeling like an absolute moron who was invisible to the world, I knew I was only a celebrity in my own mind. The shirt clung to my bloated frame, a cruel reminder of the person I once was and the person I had become. I couldn’t help but think of how different my life could have been if I had only made better choices, if I had only found a way to harness my creative energy without drowning it in alcohol.