The Sense of Urgency

I have always been a laid-back character, a personality trait that confuses even me sometimes. How does a man as relaxed as I am always seem to be chasing time? The clock, for me, ticks with a sinister persistence, each tock resounding in my mind as a reminder of the inescapable and pressing grip of the future. This sense of urgency is my constant companion, threading its way through every aspect of my life, every decision I make. Sobriety has turned up the volume on this relentless whisper, amplifying every beat of life to a crescendo that resonates in my soul. The old me, the drunk me, would have shrugged it off with a disinterested air, numbed by the toxic haze of alcohol. But now, every step feels like a desperate sprint, a ceaseless marathon with a finish line that tauntingly eludes me. I strive to mute this anxiety with constant busyness, a whirlwind of activity that propels my career forward with a velocity that leaves me breathless. Yet, in quiet moments, I can’t help but wonder: what would my life be without this gnawing anxiety? Maybe it’s a result of my upbringing, with its relentless reminders of the impending apocalypse. Maybe it’s the streets I walk through, where ordinary people sit outside, sipping drinks and laughing, without the looming threat of their lives capsizing. I have to constantly remind myself: I am on my own path. This anxiety, this addictive personality, it’s a double-edged sword. It’s a relentless drive that, while wearing, propels me towards my goals. It’s the very essence of who I am, shaping my identity in a way that’s been integral to my journey. I revel in the direction my life is taking, in the milestones I’ve achieved. But oh, how I yearn for a day where the world doesn’t weigh so heavy on my shoulders. There’s an oasis in this desert of unease: meditation and golf. These moments of peace are a salve, a temporary reprieve from the urgency that claws at my psyche. I hold onto the hope that this frantic pace will eventually slow, that the intensity of my anxiety will wane as I continue my journey. Financially, I’m still climbing that steep hill, each day a deliberate step towards the summit of my aspirations. It’s a grueling climb, but one I undertake with steely determination. I know that each sunrise marks another opportunity to inch closer towards my goals, and I am unflinchingly committed to making every day count. My life is a symphony of highs and lows, a complex composition that’s uniquely mine.