The Road To Redemption

I remember the day I finished editing the video for “Alcohol” like it was yesterday. It was May of 2015, and the air was filled with the smell of booze and the distant hum of the city. I was drinking vodka every day back then, hiding it from Storm as I snuck bottles in and out of the garage like a thief in the night. I was ashamed of what I was doing, but I couldn’t stop myself. The alcohol was my crutch, my way of coping with the pressure and stress that came with my relentless pursuit of success. As I sat at my computer, the screen casting a pale blue glow on my face, I felt drunk and deep in thought. I was trying to figure out a way to promote the record, and a thought struck me: maybe people battling with addiction would resonate with this track. And so, with shaky hands and blurred vision, I began digging deep into the internet for AA meetings. This was a moment that would stick with me for years, as I had no idea how sensitive of a subject alcoholism was. It seemed selfish and ignorant to even reach out to these people, knowing that I had no intentions of letting go of the bottle at that time. The irony of it all wasn’t lost on me. Even in the video itself, I was seen pounding back multiple bottles of Hennessy throughout the day we were shooting. Though the track was a very real moment in my life referencing a very real problem, I hadn’t yet acknowledged the severity of my situation. That’s the insidious nature of alcohol; it can make everything seem okay when it’s not. For years, those few initial emails I had sent out haunted me, making me feel as though I was pissing on the sobriety of others, while I remained a drunk spiraling out of control. Even years later, as I sat in my living room in another drunken stupor, I found myself registering to become an ordained minister, all because “I wanted to be a wedding singer and could offer package deals.” My life was a wreck for far too long, and with every day that passes, I find myself having to forgive myself for the things I remember happening when I was at my worst. Something big is coming, and the amount of work I’ve had to do internally and externally brings tears to my eyes. This has been quite a ride, and it’s far from over. I’m hoping that beyond leaving my family a detailed account of my existence, something I do or say helps you in your journey to becoming the best version of yourself. Every decision, every struggle, and every triumph has led me to where I am today. And as I look back on those dark days and the person I once was, I’m grateful for the lessons I’ve learned and the person I’ve become.