I made an oath to keep my emotions in check. This thing that has been consuming me these past couple of weeks, this drastic change in my life, I’ve come to realize has been happening over a long period of time. The reality of the situation is that I gambled with my life, and the effect that it had on those closest to me is only now becoming clear. I didn’t cry when I woke up this morning. I let out a big sigh, got dressed, and ran laps around the park, before making my way to the weight training area for some early morning lifting. I walked back to the apartment I’m now crashing in, took a shower, got dressed, and made my way to work. The entire morning, my thoughts were clashing. This mixture of cloudiness and clarity made me feel as though I was walking between the hot and cold, wearing glasses that fogged over with every new step I took. But I’m not going to slow down. Whether or not she will ever come back to me, whether or not I will ever be deserving of her love and attention, these things are no longer a factor in my decisions moving forward. In the classic movie “The Notebook”, the richest man in town couldn’t keep a woman who saw someone else that she had invested so much of herself into create the life that he promised her. But I’m not holding my breath anymore. I should never have to convince anyone of my worth. I should never have to beg to be seen or heard. I should never have to be around someone who is merely “stomaching” my presence, for the sake of what she thought a family unit should be. My life has been on this ride long before she got on board, and it will continue forward long after she’s gotten off the train. My vibrations will remain high. My body will continually be sculpted into the physique that is both healthy and worthy of someone of my caliber. If you haven’t been able to recognize the greater story at play here, then maybe it was never meant for you. These things I’ve come to know as facts, and these dreams of mine are manifesting themselves into reality, right now, as I type this. I hope you all enjoy watching the show. My entrance music is about to hit, so get ready for the pop.
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