The Pain And The Craft

As Brenna and I slowly repaired our marriage from afar, I spent the bulk of my time acting as staff for Purfek Storm Group. Whatever the task, I was there, learning, and tackling everything in front of me. We were on our way to shoot a music video for an artist named Ill Knob, and Nicole was with me as my assistant. I her in as help, and she would become a key figure during this time in the industry. My drinking had slowed down, as NJ law didn’t allow standard deli’s to sell alcohol, and I had to rely on random trips to the liquor store to get my fix. As we set up the equipment and prepared for the shoot, I tried my best to hide my pain and focus on the task at hand. The temptation to drink was always present, but I knew I couldn’t let it consume me. I was there to learn and grow, and I couldn’t let my addiction get in the way of that. But as the day wore on, my resolve began to weaken. The urge to drink was almost overwhelming, and I found myself struggling to focus. As we found our way back to Storm’s house, the liquor bottles hidden in the garage, brought home from the Wall Street office upon closing, slowly started to be emptied and replaced with water. I tried my best to hide my pain while learning the craft, but the weight of my addiction felt heavier by the day. I felt that being sober only made me better behind the scenes, and the same spotlight I was helping other people reach, I wanted for myself. I wanted to feel the intoxication of my ego, and so I secretly found ways to drink in the small room at Storm’s house I was staying in.

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