The Out Of Control Ego

Things would take a drastic turn on New Years Eve. With a company party going down at Purfek Storm Group HQ, Brenna and I would have a blow out argument that resulted in her leaving. I was a flat out drunk, and had been consistently for quite some time. My dreams and aspirations fell second to alcohol, and instead of becoming more “entertaining”, I was alienating anyone around me who loved me. Afraid to face the reality of my situation with Brenna, I spent the next couple of days crashing on Nicole’s sofa, drinking as many beers as my stomach could handle, wallowing in my own misery. When I finally went back home, Brenna was gone, and so was everything in the apartment that reminded me of her. Her paintings, her photos, all now empty spaces on the wall. I took a deep breath, walked to the liquor store, and proceeded to binge. I woke up the next day on the floor, the stench of alcohol filling my nostrils. The room was spinning, and I struggled to even open my eyes. I had hit rock bottom, and it was only a matter of time before my world came crashing down. I was lost in a sea of alcohol and self-pity. I didn’t leave the apartment, didn’t answer my phone, and didn’t talk to anyone. My dreams and aspirations felt like a distant memory, replaced by a never-ending cycle of drinking and despair. As a behind-the-scenes worker, my name was growing quickly. But I wanted the spotlight, and it was costing me everything. I spent drunken nights singing to the African masks that hung on my apartment wall. I was losing myself.

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