The Noise Inside

The voices in my head clamored for my attention like a choir of sirens singing their chaotic melodies. My mind, a relentless fog, refused to be silenced, amplifying the chatter to deafening levels. A thousand voices spoke to me at once, creating a cacophony of hope and despair, ambition and defeat, love and hate. Amidst the chaotic symphony, I struggled to focus on whatever was in front of me at that moment. My career in entertainment, my family life, my alcoholism, and everything else in between were thrown into a boiling pot of thought stew. I tried in vain to make sense of the messages I was receiving, stirring the blend of emotions that steamed and frothed with every turn. Desperate for relief, I closed my eyes, seeking solace in the darkness. The sight that greeted me was unexpectedly serene – a skyward view from the bottom of a forest, tree branches reaching upwards like arteries branching off into the heavens. As I gazed into the treetops, the branches began to pulse, mirroring the relentless signals my brain sent to the rest of my body. A calm settled over me, momentarily dulling the turmoil within. The soothing image, however, was fleeting. Almost immediately, the many voices I heard in my head returned, both encouraging and destroying me simultaneously. They whispered praises, extolling my accomplishments and lauding my potential, only to be overpowered by vicious barbs, tearing at my self-worth and questioning my very existence. The constant tug of war between these thoughts consumed me, each skirmish chipping away at my spirit. Seeking solace from the internal chaos, I found myself drawn to the alluring, amber-hued embrace of a six-pack of beer every evening. The crisp pop of the bottle cap and the familiar hiss of escaping carbonation opened the door for the worst parts of me to thrive. I knew change was coming, but I was uncertain of its form or how I would welcome it. Morning enthusiasm dissolved by the afternoon, as I clung to anything that could make me feel okay with myself. The static in my head grew stronger, and the pulsing tree branches in my mental forest grew more vibrant, carrying their mixed messages through my weary veins.