The Hands of God

I’ve made a career of failure. I realize that now. The road that was chosen for me was never about being a successful artist. It was never about walking down red carpets in Hollywood and winning awards. God saw me as a child and has been molding me for the truest purpose of my life: to help people. There’s always been a demand for me, and my skill set. Since I was a kid, the church had tried molding me into the ultimate servant, but I had bigger plans. I wanted to be “the guy”. I wanted to be the person that everyone was talking about, to overcome the feeling of invisibility that my childhood gave me. So I got drunk, got on stage, and wowed people to the point where conversations after would always end in “you’re going to be famous”. I used alcohol as a crutch, to be unafraid, and in that process, I created an atmosphere which was conducive to madness. That’s what this blog is about. There were times in my life that, with all the love around me, I was still suicidal. I can’t imagine the horror that those close to me experienced watching me fail time and time again, not understanding why I was this way. I’m sorry, but I understand why now. Because this was the story that needed to be told. This is the real life “Truman Show”, happening in real time, that could, with the power of God, help people put the fucking bottle down and not have to suffer the way I, and my family, have. I feel the warmth of a celestial embrace right now, and in a moment where life is threatening to consume me, I am proud of myself. The vision is clear. God is speaking to me, and saying it’s time.

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