With years of experience as a frontman, and an ego larger than life, it was shocking to many to see how eager I was to play a supporting role in Brittany’s upcoming musical performance. Of course, I made a point to book myself into a short time slot, giving me enough time to have a few beers before belting out my song “Alcohol” to the watching crowd. But the night was about the talent featured on the bill, and I was more than excited to take the stage with such a voice. With alcohol consistently in my system, it would become far too easy to get lost in my own thoughts, and the fantasy world I created in my mind often clashed with my reality in real-time. Every time I thought about Brenna, and my family, and everything I had ruined with my actions, I took another swig of my drink, and looked at the beauty of those around me as a source of comfort. “I’m in the industry now. This is just what happens.” I was becoming consumed with the very images I was in charge of creating, and I felt my focus being pulled in multiple directions at once. As the performance drew to a close, and I successfully served as background guitarist, I walked out to the cold street, deep in my own thoughts. Brenna, my wife, my love, a source of inspiration for me, had become a reminder of my failures and alcohol abuse, and feeling lightyears away from both being a successful entertainer and solving my marriage problems, I watched intently as Brittany made her way to the car and drove away. The night was a success, but the feeling of being incomplete continued to craw underneath my skin, and I had no idea how to remedy my situation.

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