Stuck Somewhere In Between

Alongside FirstLive CoffeeHouse reopening its doors, I had also taken up 1099 work through the company, which proved to be vital in helping me pay the bills. For the first time in what felt like ages, I was part of a team, a feeling that brought a sense of belonging and purpose to my life. I proudly wore my FirstLive t-shirt to every gig we had, embracing my new role as a member of the crew. But as much as I enjoyed the production work and the financial stability it provided, there was still a part of me that yearned for more – the entertainer in me that craved the spotlight. I was caught between two worlds: the reality of being a working husband and father, and the dreams of the artist that still lived within me. During one of our FirstLive production gigs, I found myself behind the production board, which was set up on a balcony overlooking the event. As I switched back and forth between cameras on the live feed, my mind began to drift back to the days when I was deep in the “industry,” rubbing shoulders with celebrities and feeling like I was on top of the world. The contrast between that life and my current situation couldn’t have been more apparent. I remembered the excitement, the glamour, and the thrill of being part of the entertainment world. It was a time when every day brought new adventures and opportunities, and I was always surrounded by creative and talented individuals. As I continued to work the production board, my mind wandered further, recalling the countless events and red carpets I had attended, the famous faces I had met, and the feeling of being recognized and admired for my work. Those memories were bittersweet – a reminder of what once was, and a stark contrast to my life now. Here I was, working production gigs to make ends meet and keep my family afloat, miles away from the glitz and glamour of the celebrity world I had once been a part of. But as I looked around at the crew members working alongside me, all of us focused on creating the best experience for the audience watching at home, I realized that this, too, had its own kind of magic. It was a different kind of camaraderie, built on teamwork and collaboration – and it was something I had come to value and cherish. I shook off my nostalgic thoughts and focused on the task at hand, appreciating the present moment for what it was. And though the entertainer in me still longed for the spotlight, I understood that my journey was not over.

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