After the fling ended, I found myself feeling more alone than ever before. It was difficult to be around anyone who didn’t think I was insane. But I had a dream, a dream of being a big time entertainer, and I wasn’t going to let anyone stand in my way. I turned to the YouTube covers I had posted earlier that year for inspiration. Watching myself perform, I was reminded of the talent I possessed, and I became inspired all over again. But something was different now. Just months earlier, I had never tasted alcohol, and now, I was partying it up as often as I could. I believed that alcohol was giving me the ability to shine, and I wanted to use this as fuel in my creativity. I embraced the fact that people were starting to view me as “the bad guy”. As a wrestling fan, I turned “heel”, fully embracing the persona of the villain. I wanted to be remembered, even if it meant being remembered for being the bad guy. I wanted to shock people, to get a reaction out of them. But as time went on, my behavior became more erratic, and I found myself alienating the people who cared about me the most. So I did what made me feel the most comfortable, and I turned to my guitar once again, noodling on the strings every night trying to turn my emotions into art. I was getting ready for the next step.
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