After landing in Miami, I eagerly waited for my “church friend” to pick me up from the airport. As we made our way to Dolphin Mall that night, I couldn’t help but feel excited to meet the rest of the gang. We arrived at the mall, and I was immediately drawn to the bowling alley and bar. I ordered a whiskey sour and sat back, enjoying the night’s ambiance. As the night progressed, the rest of the churchgoers started to gather around the bowling lanes, but I preferred to sit behind in the darkness, sipping my drink. I watched as they laughed and joked around, enjoying each other’s company. I wanted to be a part of that, to feel like I belonged. As the night winded down, one of the girls in the group suggested that we all head back to her place because she was past her curfew. I was already feeling drunk and uncomfortable and the suggestion made me uneasy. So, in a moment of brashness, I yelled out, “I’m not fucking going to your house!”. The silence that followed my outburst was deafening. I knew right then and there that I had made a mistake. The rest of the group looked at me with disdain, and I knew that I had ruined the entire trip for myself. In that moment, I realized that I couldn’t just fit in with any group of people. I had worked hard to become the person I was, and I wasn’t willing to change just to fit in. Yes, I’m from Brooklyn, New York and I like to get fucked up. But with days left until my flight back home, I knew there was a long road ahead of me. I left the party that night feeling alone and out of place, but I knew that I had stayed true to myself, however bad it actually came out.
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