Life is a Movie

When your imagination is as vivid as mine, it poses challenges in adulthood that could easily pass for mental issues. I’ve been deep in thought throughout this past week, particularly about my brain and how it functions. I have to admit, being raised on television and movies has, in many ways, crippled my sense of reality. Within my mind, my life is a movie, and I am the star. Every other being that exists in this world seem to be categorized into the roles of co-stars, crew, or extras. The storm of thoughts that often plague me have done nothing to mediate the internal turmoil that I experience on a day to day basis, and it’s becoming more and more challenging to silence the noise within, and simply just exist. I had agreed to see a psychologist, which only further solidified my issues when I realized that I was attempting to choose a therapist that reminded me of Robin Williams, for the sake of living out my Good Will Hunting fantasy. The idea that I was the misunderstood genius had always resonated with me, and this feeling that there is a spotlight on me that never turns off can, to many people, be considered an insane notion. I’m trying harder and harder to iron myself out, and comb through the vast web of ideas that exists within the dreamscape of my mentality. For all of the talent and abilities that I possess, there are still basic principles of life that I’ve yet to grasp, and with each passing day, I ponder on my place in this world. My existence must mean something. Yes, I’ve managed to get sober against all odds. But that in itself is not enough. It’s about mastering the art of living, and conquering the demons that mask themselves using the voices in my head that sound a lot like I do. I’m sure that my soon-to-be therapist would recommend writing as an exercise, but I’ve already begun that journey. I’ve given myself to this blog in ways that most people would require health insurance for, and the little comfort that I do find in this world comes from the fact that I feel as though I stand alone on the mountain of self-expression; the best in the world of documenting their human experience. I’m hopeful that one day all of this would make sense. But until that day comes, I’ll continue to give you what’s inside of me, and wait for the day that my daughter is old enough to comprehend the depths of what I’ve chosen to do with my time here on earth.

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