It'll All Make Sense One Day

The news of Brenna’s pregnancy sent my emotions into a whirlwind. On one hand, I was ecstatic – the thought of having a little girl to honor my late sister Angie filled me with indescribable joy. On the other hand, though, the weight of responsibility and the uncertainty of our future gnawed at me relentlessly. We were broke, with me couch surfing between the recording studio and Brenna’s tiny room in her family’s house. Freelancing kept me afloat, but it wasn’t enough to provide for a growing family. As I grappled with the impending responsibility, Eddy Duran reentered my life, bringing along a new chapter of his original saga, “Pale Blue Light.” A screening of the series was organized, and despite the excitement of being part of a creative project, I couldn’t shake the feeling that we were all just spinning our wheels. Each person in that room had talent, but none of us seemed to be in a position to truly help one another advance. Throughout the evening, attendees posed in front of the step and repeat, snapping photos for their social media followers. As Brenna and I stood there, I tried to reassure her, saying, “It’ll all make sense one day.” But even as the words left my lips, I couldn’t help but question whether I truly believed them. Time was running out, and with a baby on the way, I knew I had to make a choice: either rise to the occasion and create a better life for my family or let my fears consume me and destroy any chance at happiness. The pressure was immense, and I could feel the weight of expectations bearing down on me. I knew I had to make a change – and fast. But as the night wore on, and the alcohol flowed, the reality of my situation wavered by the minute, and I’d once again find myself struggling to accept that I was not the superstar I envisioned myself to be at this point of my life.

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