Deep In The Mental

For the 15 years that I was an alcoholic and drug abuser, I was able to mask my insanity under the guise of being intoxicated. Coming up on two years sober, I’ve come to find that the chemical imbalance that exists within my brain is much more intense than I ever gave it credit for, resulting in a heightened sense of emotion that, when coupled with my extremely vivid imagination, can leave me in a state of confusion. Being a writer and entertainer has kept me in constant pursuit of the spotlight, which in itself is an addiction I’ve yet to conquer. My massive ego had convinced me that I was the center of the universe, and my talents and abilities only lend credibility to the voices in my head that cheer me on during moments like which you are now witnessing. My divorce, after a tumultuous 11 year marriage, had temporarily humbled me, but my soul remedied this feeling by consistently reminding me of who I am, what I’ve done with my life, and the people that my story could impact. Off-stage, I am an introvert, and the majority of conversations that I engage in happen internally, which I’m hoping to change by sharing myself with you to the extent that I have chosen to. These things are not easy to speak on, let alone share in a public forum. The love of my daughter keeps me alive, and in my darkest moments, I remind myself of my obligation to be here for her. But living inside of my head has consequences, some of which include extreme loneliness, and the feeling of being misunderstood. I’ve been fortunate enough to have recently learned more about myself during a week engaged in conversation with a fellow traveler down the road to recovery than during the 37+ years that I have been on this planet. They left as quickly as they arrived, but not before teaching me a lesson that I will carry with me for the rest of my life. Not only am I now hyper-aware of my issues, but I’m working diligently to fix them. Mental health is of the utmost importance, and if I never have the privilege of shaking this person’s hand and thanking them, then at least I can rejoice in the fact that God allowed me to feel something I had never felt before, and will probably never feel again. My spirit resonated in a way that caused severe sensory overload, and through this experience, I found a part of myself that I didn’t know existed. For that, I am, and forever will be, truly grateful.

Similar Posts