Another Day Another Vice

As I stepped out of the convenience store, a fresh pack of Newports in hand, I couldn’t help but feel a mix of emotions. There was a tinge of guilt and disappointment, coupled with a sense of comfort, knowing I had given in to a craving I had been trying so hard to resist. The sun was shining, casting a warm glow over the city. The streets, bustling with life, served as a backdrop for my internal struggle, a juxtaposition between my newfound determination and my old habits. I unwrapped the cellophane from the pack as I walked back towards my building, feeling the urge to have a cigarette gnawing at my resolve. I tried to laugh it off, thinking that I had been so inspired by not drinking, I believed I could just quit smoking cold turkey. The idea now seemed almost foolish, but there was still a part of me that couldn’t help but feel hopeful. As I sparked the lighter, I took a deep breath and inhaled the familiar, yet somewhat bitter taste. It wasn’t as satisfying as I had anticipated. In fact, it made me feel a bit weak. I was making major changes in my life, and nothing had ever been as drastic and dramatic as the decision to give up alcohol. Drinking had been the cause of so much damage in my life, and knowing that cigarettes were just another bad habit, I wanted to rid myself of them as well. But as I took my final pull from that first cigarette and made my way back upstairs, a mantra began to form in my mind: one thing at a time. I couldn’t afford to let this failure bring more negativity into my life. It was just a bump in the road, and I would deal with it when I was ready. There was no point in beating myself up over a moment of weakness. Today might not have been the day I quit smoking, but it was a day where I acknowledged my weakness and chose not to be consumed by it.

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