A Wave Of Emotions

Using the boost of confidence I’d gained from the overwhelmingly positive responses to my podcast tour, I summoned the courage to take the next step. With a mix of excitement and nervous anticipation, I reached out to every podcast on my meticulously researched list. Each click of the send button sent a jolt of adrenaline through my veins, fueling a surge of energy that made me leap up and down in my living room. My eyes were fixated on the Gmail screen, anxiously awaiting a response that could change the trajectory of my day—and possibly my career. As the replies started trickling in, I felt a whirlwind of emotions. I could hardly contain my excitement as different hosts expressed their enthusiasm for being a part of my press run. It was a validation of my journey, my recovery, and my storytelling ability. But then, I received a message that sent a chill down my spine and cast a shadow of doubt over my achievements. The hosts described their focus on individuals in long-term sobriety and addiction recovery experts. With a courteous response, I thanked them for their time, but inside, confusion reigned. Long-term sobriety? What did that even mean? I frantically turned to Google for answers, desperately seeking clarity. According to the search results, over 90 days of sobriety was considered long-term. I was almost 15 months sober—months filled with the most grueling challenges I had ever faced. How could my story not be credible enough? The questions swirled in my mind, refusing to be silenced. Seeking solace, I slipped on my virtual reality headset, immersing myself in a serene virtual golf course. The soothing environment provided a temporary respite from the anxiety that threatened to consume me. Yet, even as I swung my virtual club and felt the artificial grass beneath my feet, the nagging doubt persisted. Was my story truly enough? I wrestled with these thoughts throughout the day, unable to find a satisfying answer. Fatigued but determined, I checked my email one last time before retiring for the night. And there it was, nestled in my inbox—a glimmer of hope and reassurance. Another acceptance email, another podcast secured. It felt as though the universe had extended its mighty hand, gently resting it on my shoulder, and whispering that everything would be alright. In that moment, I clung to the belief that my story was valid, that my journey held significance. The email became a beacon of affirmation, illuminating my path forward. With renewed determination, I crawled into bed, my mind a swirl of anticipation and gratitude. I drifted off to sleep, carrying the warmth of that acceptance email with me, ready to face whatever challenges and triumphs awaited me on the morrow.