As I looked around the living room office, I couldn’t help but feel a sense of disconnect. The red carpet and step-and-repeat we had set up were meant to symbolize success and recognition, but in reality, they were just a reminder of the gap between my dreams for mainstream success and the shambles of my personal life. Nicole and I had been busy filming fashion shows for American Primetime TV, under the “guidance” of the man in the “3 piece suit”, but I couldn’t help but feel like it was all for nothing. My wife Brenna and I were in constant communication, but the distance between us was evident. The late nights and early mornings spent working on my projects had taken a toll on our relationship. To cope with the stress and anxiety of it all, I would always turn to alcohol. I’d spend my nights getting drunk, laid out on the red carpet floor, reviewing the work that was done each day. It was a far cry from the image of success that I had wanted to portray. As I looked at the photos of the fashion shows we had filmed, I couldn’t help but feel like it was all just a facade. The models on the runway were beautiful, the clothes were exquisite, but it all felt empty. It wasn’t the kind of work that made me feel fulfilled, the kind of work that I wanted to be remembered for. But still, I kept going. I kept pushing forward, because to do anything else would be to admit defeat. It was a feeling that had consumed me for so long that I didn’t know how to let it go. I was stuck between the life I wanted and the life I had. As I lay on the red carpet, the smell of alcohol heavy in the air, I realized that something had to give. I couldn’t keep living like this, trying to find success at the cost of everything else. I needed to find a way to balance my dreams with my personal life. Only then could I truly be happy and fulfilled. The host of the show we worked on was eccentric, and extremely annoying, but he had connections, and spent his time bragging to us about the powerful men behind the American Primetime TV brand. He had told these gentlemen about my involvement in his project, and sensed they were eager to meet me and see who I was. I didn’t see it then, but I was on the cusp of a major transition in my life.

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