As Storm and I made our way back up the elevator to Shade 45 to film Weekend Work for Coach PR and DJ Caesar, I felt the weight of the world on my shoulders. The guest this time was rapper Freeway, and although I knew it was going to be an interesting interview, my mind was elsewhere. Brenna and I were on bad terms again, and the tension between us was evident in our text frequency. It seemed like no matter how hard I tried to maintain balance, the stress I was experiencing would always find a way to seep into our relationship. To make matters worse, Nicole’s cancer fund wasn’t growing at the speed I had hoped. The guilt of not being able to do more for her gnawed at me relentlessly. My depression was deeper than ever, and I felt like my time at Shade 45 was winding down. The once-thrilling environment now felt like a constant reminder of the dreams that seemed to be slipping through my fingers. I had gotten into the terrible habit of drunk texting Storm my frustrations with the industry, which more often than not would just increase the tension between us. I was trying to stay on the path to success, but I was slowly losing myself. As we set up for the interview with Freeway, I couldn’t help but be distracted by the thoughts racing through my mind. I knew that if I wanted to get my life back on track, I needed to make some changes.
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