After my dad’s death in 2020, the opportunity to begin repairing my relationship with Storm appeared. Sitting in front of him, face to face, I apologized for everything I had put him through and for blaming him for my lack of success. In those dark moments of my life, I had a severe victim’s mentality, and I refused to believe that it was my fault that I was still stagnant in my career. Storm and I would communicate more often, and on this particular day, I rented a ZipCar and took a drive out to New Jersey to see him. It was a frustrating time because I had yet to recover from being a liability, and with my daily drinking still going strong, people were never certain which version of me they were going to get when I walked into a room. Because of that, Storm kept a certain distance between us, waiting to see where I was headed. After arriving, I met the new Purfek Storm Group staff as I made my way around the building. Not being shy of puffing my chest out, I interjected in the employee meeting with my own ideas and suggestions, to which Storm would tell everyone, “yeah guys, Roach believes he’s the best in the world.” I could hear a hint of pride in his voice as he said it, remembering all that we had done together. We spent the afternoon reminding ourselves of what’s possible when we work together, and as I left the studio that evening, the anxiety I felt as I drove caused a near-fatal crash on the highway, and a fender bender in the city. As soon as I exited the Lincoln Tunnel, I turned toward the left lane, only to be hit, and my car nearly flipped over. The impact felt like a sudden punch to my chest, a shocking jolt of violent energy that shook me to my core. The screeching tires, the sickening crunch of metal, and the shattering of glass all merged into a cacophony of chaos. I knew it was my anxiety, and with everything going on in my head, I felt like I was always one step away from getting it right. But as I stood on the side of the road exchanging information with the other driver, my mind wandered back to Purfek Storm Group and what was waiting for me if I could stop being a fuck up. I could feel the weight of my mistakes and the pressure of my potential future pressing down on me, as heavy as the evening air. The flashing hazard lights from the damaged vehicles cast an eerie glow on the scene, illuminating the faces of curious onlookers who gathered to witness the aftermath of the collision.

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