Street Work

There’s a level of anxiety I experience at the thought of any social setting. Once upon a time, alcohol was my crutch, and more often than not, it allowed me to navigate any crowd with ease. It broke me out of the shell that my natural state puts me in, and placed a blanket of bravado across my shoulders, my very own cape of courage. Since getting sober, I’ve found it’s my nature to exist within the solitude that engulfs me on a daily basis, and although life has, as of late, seemed tremendously lonely, I understand the purpose of every second I’m living. That, in itself, is a gift brought to me by the power of my sobriety. The panic that I experience when waking from drunken dreams only further proves how dedicated I am to staying clean from the very thing that had brought so much turmoil into my life. Although life has had unexpected twists and turns, and the new life that I’m living is far from what I had initially envisioned this past New Year, I’m appreciative of the clarity that time has allowed me to achieve, and continue to move forward with the vision that I see for myself and those who truly love me. At FirstLive last night, I threw myself back into a social environment, and held steady as my nerves and ADHD battles for control over my mind and body. As the band performed music that elevated the vibrations within the room, I looked toward my bookbag next to me, understanding the power of the contents inside of it. A stack of flyers, with bold black letters, waited for distribution as I counted down the seconds to which I would go back to my roots, and hit the streets for this promotional-run of sorts. This wasn’t an event I was pushing, nor was it associated with any dream I had ever conjured up. The results of a successful run were simple: money, and lots of it. I will not allow fear to hold me back any longer. I will not allow my future to be dictated by anyone other than myself. I had spent my entire life building up to this very moment, when the switch is turned on, and I shine the brightest light upon myself. This was part of the bravery my daughter was talking about, and this part of my life is going to change everything for me. God, protect me today, and give me the strength to make this happen.

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